{Where have I been?}

I know it has been so long! I'm so sorry! A lot has happened the last few months. First on a good note my symptoms have gotten better. The pain is more manageable and physical therapy is working wonders. Now I do have some bad days but overall it has been much better! I was afraid when the snow started my condition would worsen. Everything I read talks about it getting worse with cooler weather. Honestly I don't feel that is the case. I haven't noticed it getting worse but it could also be I am constantly layered!

In November we traveled to Houston to see a world-renowned specialist for Lupus. It was by the grace of God that they accommodated the dates to the time we would be there for thanksgiving. I was so fortunate since their normal time to see him is scheduling about a year in advance!! The nurse was so sweet and called me at the first cancellation (I was 43 in line and she moved me up) seriously an angel! I am so thankful for her! The appointment was wonderful! He took all the time I needed to answer my million questions! And we left feeling confident with my Illness.

We discussed the pros and cons of getting on the medicines. And for now we all agreed I would continue to tackle this disease with Physical Therapy, Vitamins, and healthy lifestyle. I WAS thrilled!! I go back next month for my regular blood work and depending on the "numbers" I can continue this way unless they change for the worse or I can't tolerate the pain.

We also discussed the possibility of adding another baby to our family. He was very confident that it would be something we could definitely do, but also was very clear on the risks. Mainly risk on me not the baby as well of a high chance of miscarriage even after 12 weeks. So for now we are not sure what we will do, but are putting it in the hands of God.

The last month has been an extreme blessing. I only had one "flare" where I could barely move my hips and lower body. But with pt and Motrin I was feeling better in a week. We were blessed to have my in laws in town at that time they were a huge help! My husband also has gone above and beyond anything I could imagine. He is my rock, I love him more than he will ever know...

For now I am taking it day by day I am happy where things are and I must say this has made me a much better parent. I treasure every day with my family knowing if this turns for the worse (which may never happen) I can loose them in an instant. I am just so thankful. I have had the most loving support from everyone..Thank you!

Will be updating more soon,

Flying Seal

{Motivation}

Lately it seems I have NO motivation to be healthy..you would thing getting this life changing news would whip me into shape..but NO..instead I am so tired all the time that just doing my duties as a mom and wife seem to be enough , the rest of the time I rest..well although it may sound nice I have now gained 15 lbs that I worked so hard this time last year to loose. Worst part I have no bigger clothes in my closet and I have no intentions of buying some yet I have a lack of motivation..

So...(this is where my challenge begins)

We bought a treadmill...why you ask? it is the item you see most on craiglist..ya know when everyone buys one and NEVER uses it and becomes a clothes rack or dust collector.. Yes we thought of that but you see I NEED to walk at least..I am not allowed to do zumba nor weights right now (my fave things) so this was the alternative..I know I could walk outside but hey we moved to the NORTH is snows here and lets be realistic I'm not getting out in the freezing cold to walk...

So to be clear I have a goal..to use my treadmill at least 4 times a week.

By completing my goal I hope to loose the 15 lbs I gained by January (I know I'm crazy its the holidays)

and YOU will make me accountable right?

So I will be posting a weekly update on my "diet and exercise"

If you have any "tips" I would LOVE to hear them!


On another note, I am flying back to Houston in a week and have an appointment with a specialists. I am hoping to get more answers and treatment options other than steroids. I am encouraged and optimistic this is what I need to begin the healing process and hopefully put this disease in remission for a long time.

Finally thank you to all that have emailed me or commented here encouraging words..they are priceless healing :)

motivated,

Flying Seal

{Little Toes}

Sometimes in life it takes God to give you a big "sign" to really appreciate all the amazing things that surround you. For me it has been diagnosed with Lupus.

My hubby has been out of town for a few days and won't be back for a few more..when I first realized he was leaving us for a business trip, panic set it...yes panic...being a single parent even for one day is hard on anyone let alone with my Lupus flairs..you don't know if it will be a good or bad day and I have been so spoiled and blessed to have him always help on my bad days. What was I to do without him if this happened while he was away? We recently moved here so I have met a few people but no one I could just "call" for help...It's hard enough not to feel guilty from my husbands help let alone someone I barely know..

We are day 5 into this single mommyhood and I must say it has been wonderful..my boys have been angels (for the most part) If they see me struggling they play on their own and in the mornings they are extremely patient with me (this is the hardest time of the day for me). Always giving cuddles and hugs..

This time with just mommy is truly a blessing..don't get me wrong I miss my hubby..but I have made it a point to have fun and not focus on the not so important things around..instead focusing on us.

Tonight as we were cuddling to "Alice in Wonderland" my little one put his feet on me and I noticed his little toes..I mean really noticed them...I think he was 1 the last time I really looked and admired his baby feet. Although he is 3 now he still has the cutest chub-o-toes, adorable enough to eat :). 

Those blessings in disguise that have continued to appear when I thought this was a time of despair in my life,God you truly amaze me!

Enjoying my baby's Chub-o-toes,

Flying Seal

{14 ..really!?}

So I am a little frustrated that I now have to go every 2-3 weeks to have blood drawn. I know its a must and could be worse and they need to check my organ functions but every time I get at least 14 tubes of blood drawn...just seems crazy!I keep reminding myself that things aren't so bad, I could have cancer or worse..but man its hard to get that devil out sometimes!

This past week we had family visiting and toured the state. At one store we stopped to shop an older man came up to me and said "smile your beautiful and things could be worse" hmm do I know you? It was like he could see everything I felt..this whole time I thought I was doing well putting my "happy face" for my husbands family but If a stranger noticed otherwise then I must be really showing my negativity...


I came home and received this email:


I am not sure what has been going on with you lately but know I am praying that you find your JOY again soon..Miss your friendly posts and smile..

Love you,

WOW....I have been that awful negative person that I don't want to be..so from today on I am determined no matter how I feel to find my JOY everyday..I hope you find your JOY today too!


I am amazed by God's way of letting me know how much he loves me...sending me these two people one a perfect stranger and one a friend I haven't spoken to in years to remind me how beautiful life truly is no matter what it may give us its what we make out of it..

Finding my JOY,

Flying Seal

{Growing Up}

Growing up I have always been known as the "chubby" one..Even when I was a size 4 it seemed to still not be small enough..My mother always {to this day} discusses my weight as soon as we get together. Months could have passed since we last saw each other and the topic always goes to my "weight" I don't want this to sound like my mom is horrible..honestly she is not she is amazing. Single mom raised 3 of us and we always had more than we needed. Or did we? Material things, a roof over our head , college education, new cars it was all there, what we didn't have was personal time with her. She was so busy working extremely hard we hardly saw her and when we did there was always a personal disconnection. She was not the person you could sit and chat to, specially about personal things. She was strong willed, judgemental and hard headed but that was Mom.Her way was always the right way. Growing up this way I always said I will make sure I give my kids time over things and I always want them to love themselves for who they are because I really did miss that.

But honestly sometimes I find myself at home with my boys completely disconnected..I'm home but I am not giving them the real attention they need. I let unimportant things in life take over when really I have what is most important right here...

I get angry for allowing myself to do to them what I hated was done to me..so why am I doing it? It's a hard habit to break but I am determined to do it..after many times my oldest asking me to build Lego's with him I DID and it was AWESOME! then he started tickling me..normally I would ask him to stop but instead I tickled back and the laughter between the both of us what uncontrollable. The sound of my baby blaring through the basement.... AMAZING!

Breaking that mold is though but once you do there is no better feeling than realizing you are finally becoming who you are meant to be.

I love my mom and I Will always love her, I know she is trying hard to break that mold that was passed down to her, and I am here to make her laugh and re-discover herself too.

No one ever tells you how hard it is to be a mom its not only about taking care of your kids but rediscovering yourself as a person.


thankful,
Flying Seal

{Change}

I received this in an email today and wow just felt it was written directly to me. I loved it so much I wanted to share, maybe it will have the same meaning for you too!

"As we transition into this colorful season of fall, I can only help remind myself how change is such a part of our lives.  By accepting and allowing yourself to enjoy the change that is so evidently upon us, will keep you vital to the world we live in now.So as autumn blows in and changes the color of the leaves, bringing darkness upon us sooner then we want, lets just step back and enjoy the moments when we catch them and delight in the awareness we find ourselves a part of."

-Mariann Kirch

{Baking through it}

Baking is so relaxing..I just love it. today I needed a little distress and fun with my boys while my hubby worked late and decided to make these muffins. They are so easy and yummy!! Best part was delivering the neighbors some too  :) Here is the recipe.. Enjoy!

Chocolate Pumpkin Mini-Muffins

(makes approx 18 large or 43 mini muffins)

1 box chocolate cake mix
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin
1/2 c mini chocolate chips
2 egg whites
2 TBSP water
mini chocolate chips to garnish

Preheat the oven to 375°.
Spray the insides of your muffin liners with no stick pray, otherwise the muffins will stick to the paper. Place in muffin tins.

In a large bowl, whisk the egg whites until a little foamy.

Add in the remaining ingredients and stir until well-blended. Use an ice cream scoop to fill prepared baking cups. Bake for about 18-20 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean.

Sprinkle with a few mini chocolate chips as soon as they come out of the oven!

Remove from pans and let cool on a rack.