Growing up I have always been known as the "chubby" one..Even when I was a size 4 it seemed to still not be small enough..My mother always {to this day} discusses my weight as soon as we get together. Months could have passed since we last saw each other and the topic always goes to my "weight" I don't want this to sound like my mom is horrible..honestly she is not she is amazing. Single mom raised 3 of us and we always had more than we needed. Or did we? Material things, a roof over our head , college education, new cars it was all there, what we didn't have was personal time with her. She was so busy working extremely hard we hardly saw her and when we did there was always a personal disconnection. She was not the person you could sit and chat to, specially about personal things. She was strong willed, judgemental and hard headed but that was Mom.Her way was always the right way. Growing up this way I always said I will make sure I give my kids time over things and I always want them to love themselves for who they are because I really did miss that.
But honestly sometimes I find myself at home with my boys completely disconnected..I'm home but I am not giving them the real attention they need. I let unimportant things in life take over when really I have what is most important right here...
I get angry for allowing myself to do to them what I hated was done to me..so why am I doing it? It's a hard habit to break but I am determined to do it..after many times my oldest asking me to build Lego's with him I DID and it was AWESOME! then he started tickling me..normally I would ask him to stop but instead I tickled back and the laughter between the both of us what uncontrollable. The sound of my baby blaring through the basement.... AMAZING!
Breaking that mold is though but once you do there is no better feeling than realizing you are finally becoming who you are meant to be.
I love my mom and I Will always love her, I know she is trying hard to break that mold that was passed down to her, and I am here to make her laugh and re-discover herself too.
No one ever tells you how hard it is to be a mom its not only about taking care of your kids but rediscovering yourself as a person.
thankful,
Flying Seal
Your mom was both mom and dad to you guys and I think she did a remarkable job. I think she probably had a hard time finding an appropriate medium between being a friend and being the provider, caregiver, and nurturer. And, like you said, she was (and is) trying to break the mold that was passed down to her. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself about the "disconnect" you say goes on between you and your kids. You sensed a disconnect as a child and as an adult you recognized this and decided early on that you wanted to break that mold, as you said. Making that realization is the first step in breaking the disconnect. I think all of us, at the end of a long and busy day, think to ourselves, you know I could've done _______ differently with my child or I should've spent more time doing _________ with my child and less time doing _________. That introspection is what makes us good parents :) We're always trying to change and improve ourselves for us and for our families. LOVE YOU! :) :)
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